“Dad, some older kids at school showed my something I don’t understand.”
“What’s that?” Dad said.
“A video on a phone. A man and a woman were … were making weird sounds and … and they hardly had any clothes on!” The boy exclaimed.
Dad had to pause for a minute and take a deep breath. He didn’t want to react angrily. After all, his son had trusted him enough to bring up a very difficult topic. He hadn’t wanted his son to be exposed to that by irresponsible classmates, but these things happen. He calmed himself and sat down at the table, motioning for his son to do the same.
“I need to be honest with you son, I wasn’t prepared to have ‘the talk’ with you yet.”
“The talk? You say it like it’s some big deal.” The boy said.
“I suppose for a parent it is.”
“So, that older kid told me it was sex. Then he used another word that didn’t sound so nice.”
“Listen to me son, you are never to use that word. Okay?”
“Why?” The boy asked.
“Among adults it’s a foul word. You remember me explaining to you about that word, foul, right?” Dad said.
“Right. No man wants to be foul, especially around women.” The boy said.
“Right. Good. You’ll sound like a foul person if you use that word.” Dad said.
“Got it. So, what was that…” The boy asked.
Dad put his hand up, interrupting his son. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. “This all boils down to an act.” Dad said.
“An act?” The boy asked.
“Right. It is something that a man and a woman agree do together. An act.” Dad said.
“I don’t understand.” The boy said.
“You will, son. But first, there are two ways to look at it.”
“Two ways?” The boy said.
“Yes. The first is simply the act itself. For its own sake. For satisfaction.” Dad said.
“Okay.” The boy looked bewildered.
“The second way is an act of love.” Dad said.
“Love?” The boy looked at him, eyebrows raised.
“Yes son, love for a woman.”
“A woman? I’m only twelve dad.” He chuckled.
“That’s right son, you shouldn’t even be thinking about doing this act at your age. I doesn’t matter what those foul boys say, don’t let others coax you into doing something you know you shouldn’t.”
“I won’t. But, they did surprise me with it. I didn’t ask to see it.” The boy said.
“Yea, they just wanted to shock you. If they are friends of yours, I would consider whether or not you want to be seen like they are acting around school, which is definitely foul.” Dad said.
“No, they’re not friends dad. Just dumb kids.”
“I agree. So back to ‘the talk.’” Dad said.
“Right, love for a woman, when I’m older.” The boy said.
“Right. This act should be an act of love, not just satisfaction. Love should preclude it.” Dad said.
“How do I know when I love someone?” The boy asked.
“Good question. Now you’re thinking in the right direction. But, I can’t answer that directly.” Dad said.
“Why not? I mean I need to know don’t I?” The boy asked.
“Yes you do. And you will. You will know the feeling because it will be something you’ve never experienced until the moment comes. It’s like gravity. It’s not something you can get away from and it’s not something easy to describe. You’ll just find yourself drawn to a girl for reasons you can’t explain. You’ll probably act silly trying to get her attention too.” Dad laughed a bit.
“Silly? I don’t know if I want to do this ‘love act’ thing. It doesn’t sound fun. Can’t I just avoid it?” The boy asked.
“Well, sure. Lot’s of people do. But, you’ll be missing out on one of the most wonderful aspects of life, son.” Dad replied.
“But I don’t want to go around acting like a fool just for love!” The boy exclaimed.
“So said just about every man alive.” Dad smiled ruefully.
“Oh. So, there’s no avoiding it?”
“Maybe…” Dad said.
“How dad? How can avoid acting like a silly fool for love?”
“It’s really quite easy once you know. But you have to remember: Like comes before Love.” Dad replied.
“Hmmm. Like before Love. Okay so what are you saying? That I should be friends with a girl before loving her?” The boy asked.
“Sort of, yes. It is best to go slow. If you have feelings for someone, keep them to yourself at first. Blurting them out too soon is one way to look like a fool.” Dad said.
The boy sighed. “Oh, boy. This sounds complicated.”
“It can be. But, holding back takes the pressure off. It allows you to get to know one another and see if there is any mutual ‘like’ there.” Dad said.
“Mutual like?” The boy said.
“Right. The girl you like should like you back.” Dad said.
“Oh I see.” The boy said.
“If she doesn’t but you keep after her, that is when you run the risk of crossing into ‘fool’ territory.” Dad added.
“Got it.”
“That’s not to say that if you really like a girl, you can’t woo her.” Dad continued.
“Woo?” The boy asked.
“Right. Wooing is how a man can win a girl’s attention, and then maybe she likes him. In fact, many girls have so many boys that want to talk to them that they shut everyone out until they meet one in particular that stands out.”
“Without looking like a fool.” The boy said.
“You got it!” Dad said, glad to see his boy understood.
“So how do I do that?” The boy asked.
Dad deflated a bit. “This is the ‘art’ of it son. And very few guys know it. But mainly you have to keep your cool and simply talk to her, like you would any other friend. Get to know one another.”
“But what if she doesn’t want to talk to me? I saw an older boy try to talk to an older pretty girl and she was really mean to him.” The boy said, clearly troubled.
“Yep. Girls can be mean. But look at it from their side. Boys go up to girls all the time and try to push their way into their lives without taking the time to try and get to know them.” Dad said.
“Fools.” The boy said.
“Right son, fools.” Day paused. “But always remember kid, if a girl is mean to you, do not be mean back. Ever.”
“Well, why? You always taught me to stand up for myself.” The boy said.
“Yes, but this is different. When you are trying to get to know a girl, especially at first, she may react differently that you would expect. Like I said before, look at it from her side. Just keep your manners and don’t allow yourself to get upset.”
“That’s gonna be hard to do. It almost sounds scary going up to someone you don’t know and trying to start talking right out of thin air.” The boy said.
“That’s probably how a girl would see it too.” Dad chuckled again. “So, that is where the art of it comes in.”
“The art of it?”
“Right. If you like a girl, and want to talk to her to see if she likes you too, then you should be patient in how you approach her. Maybe take a moment to notice something about her that could start a conversation.” Dad explained.
“Like what?”
“Well, it’s the same as when you talk to your guy friends. Like how you told me about meeting your best friend, Lyle. He was reading a comic book that you have too. You walked up and said as much and you’ve been friends ever since.”
“Oh I see. I wasn’t even thinking about it. I just started talking about something I liked and he liked it too. It was easy.” The boy said.
“Now you see son. That is how it should go with a girl too.”
“But girls don’t read comics dad.” They boy laughed.
“Maybe some do. But girls read books. They have some of the same classes you do. Stuff like that.”
“Hmm. Ok.” The boy seemed lost in thought trying to absorb so much at once.
“And make sure to introduce yourself at some point.” Dad added.
The boy sat back and thought to himself for a bit. “Wow dad, this is a long talk. And we haven’t even answered my original question.”
“Well son, I’m trying to give you the big picture. ”
“And what is that?”
“Well, that ‘act’ is only part of what a relationship with a woman is.” Dad said.
“Oh, I see.”
“Yes and most boys, and even men, think that’s all there is to it.”
The boy sat deep in thought for a moment. Dad let him process before he continued.
The boy finally spoke up. “So I have to find the guts to start talking to a girl I like, wait to see if she likes me back, then get to know her like a friend, then how does it go from there to love to … “
“Well, that’s the magic of it son.”
“Now there’s magic too? First ‘art’ now this.” The boy sat back exasperated.
“Now you’re getting it. See, this isn’t as simple as that foul video would make you think. Boys and men for that matter shouldn’t throw that stuff around like it means nothing. Because it does mean something. And this is a path you choose son. You can either have it mean something or not.”
“Did it mean something with mom?”
“It meant everything son. Everything.”
“What about that stupid video?” The boy asked.
“Well, we’ve talked about a lot and it seems you understand more. How about this. We’ll talk more later and we’ll get to that I promise. For now, just ignore that stuff. It’ll do you no good.”
“Ok dad.” And with that, the boy returned to his homework.